I got around reading this part quite late, as I have been busy with Ph.D. stuff, and did not want to read it when too conceptually tired.
Reading you piece, reminds me of a personal practice experience, which I thought I could share for the benefit others.
Until fairly recently, I used to suffer from frequent moments of monstrous anxiety. Noticing that anxiety, I would retreat from it, to not see it, to make it not me. This would naturally lead to depressive mentality, especially as the arising anxiety was very frequent occurrence.
However, after having very consistent meditation practice of the Four Naljors, I could start become aware of that anxiety when it came up in life circumstances. Catching it early on, it was possible just suddenly just look at that terrifying "chaotic storm of bright hot plasma" - as it felt - to allow it to be there without judgement. Suddenly it was not that bad.
What happened next cannot be satisfyingly described, but after a while just letting that energy be there, it would somehow just loosen itself up. The anxiety would vanish, and suddenly there is truckloads of energy for activity which was not experienced like that before.
Anxiety of course might still come some other time, but recently it seem it has been possible to repeat the same process reliably.
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The monstrous light
I got around reading this part quite late, as I have been busy with Ph.D. stuff, and did not want to read it when too conceptually tired.
Reading you piece, reminds me of a personal practice experience, which I thought I could share for the benefit others.
Until fairly recently, I used to suffer from frequent moments of monstrous anxiety. Noticing that anxiety, I would retreat from it, to not see it, to make it not me. This would naturally lead to depressive mentality, especially as the arising anxiety was very frequent occurrence.
However, after having very consistent meditation practice of the Four Naljors, I could start become aware of that anxiety when it came up in life circumstances. Catching it early on, it was possible just suddenly just look at that terrifying "chaotic storm of bright hot plasma" - as it felt - to allow it to be there without judgement. Suddenly it was not that bad.
What happened next cannot be satisfyingly described, but after a while just letting that energy be there, it would somehow just loosen itself up. The anxiety would vanish, and suddenly there is truckloads of energy for activity which was not experienced like that before.
Anxiety of course might still come some other time, but recently it seem it has been possible to repeat the same process reliably.
Which is nice. Kélpa Zang!