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The attitude
“I does it!”
Haha, this is great. It also gives me a hint about what “the tantric attitude” looks like and why it’s valuable.
Of the people I know who I can imagine telling this story, most of them are… Quakers? I wonder why!
Question
Got any advice for someone who actually is a metaphorical “psychopathic axe murderer”? A pedophile, for instance?
A pedophile, for instance
I’m sorry if you find yourself in that situation!
Unfortunately, I have probably no useful advice because I know essentially nothing about pedophilia.
Out of curiosity, I skimmed the Wikipedia article, which has a section on treatment. The upshot is that treatment is directed at preventing action rather than changing the underlying condition. If you don’t already know about such treatment options (and if pedophilia is not a hypothetical example for you), the article might be a good starting point.
In shadow work, and also in the kinds of meditation I recommend (opening awareness), one does find all sorts of motivations one should not act on. Axe murder and child abuse are extreme examples, but are different only in being extreme. Wishing I’d thought of the clever put-down joke when a coworker said something dumb—instead of hours later—is the same thing, only milder.
So in all such cases, the practice is being aware of the impulse when it comes up in meditation or in daydreams; recognizing that it’s a genuine part of you (right now at least); recognizing that it would be wrong to act on it; and recognizing that no motivation is inherently bad or a problem, so long as you don’t act on it.
So, consistent with the mainstream treatment approach, first one becomes aware of it (which apparently you’ve done), and then one finds practical and psychological ways to avoid acting on it.
This is probably obvious, but it’s all I’ve got, sorry!
Re: A pedophile, for instance
It’s cool. I know this is a pretty heavy topic and I’m coming out of nowhere with this, but I’ve been a fan of yours for a while and this series was always a favorite of mine (for obvious reasons), so I was curious what you thought. One nebulous area I’m still not sure of is the partaking in indulgent fantasy and art. Would that be “acting on it,” in your mind? Any place for that in the life of a Buddha? I’m in uncharted territory here, so I’m putting out feelers.
Fantasy
One nebulous area I’m still not sure of
Again, I have basically no clue, because this something I know so little about. I would recommend consulting a specialized mental health professional. Finding someone who can actually be helpful may be somewhat difficult, but it seems worth putting substantial effort into a search.
partaking in indulgent fantasy and art
Worth noting that such art may be illegal, depending on jurisdiction.
Would that be “acting on it,” in your mind?
Well, there’s a pragmatic answer, which is that supposedly fantasizing about it makes it more likely that you’ll do something harmful in the real world. I don’t know whether that’s true.
Any place for that in the life of a Buddha?
An answer would depend on the sort of Buddhism. Sutric Buddhism (i.e. nearly all of it) condemns fantasizing about immoral acts. Vajrayana Buddhism does not.
Me, moe girls and Satan
I continue with commenting now that I progress through your text. :)
I had to laugh for a moment when I read this, especially as I have a some mental image of you both from when I have met you in person. I could see it with my mind’s eye. :D Also, it is a nice example of how these things can be really subtle.
Reading this I came up with two examples of things I admitted to myself to enjoy after a period of time spend practising the Four Naljors and appreciation of the senses, but was afraid to before.
First, I realized that I like Black Metal music, you know that kind which goes into the whole church burning Satan worship mode. It was something I did not want to admit to myself when I was a teenager. You know, at the time (late 90s) a Satanic panic descended on Finland through some fringe Christian groups, much later than in the English speaking world. Those days, I had to even explain that my favourite power metal band was not Satan Worship. Nowadays, there is no shame any longer - despite that Black Metal is still a quite lunatic fringe thing in the end, although it has gained some hipster popularity.
More recently, I had to admit to myself that I like moe anime. Liking cute anime girls with all the bright rainbow colours and whatever, is really against all proper male self image in my culture. Even in some “cultured and refined” circles of the anime fandom, moe is seen as a questionable thing, as men should only like Akira and Berserk or something. I even once wrote a vajrayana inspired blog post once about a moe anime. Sadly I have not continued with it, as the further points became really difficult explain, and some life happened.
It is really peculiar to notice that one has had internal blockages about liking things which are not harmful to anyone really. I hope you can appreciate the contrasts with these two examples. When put together, it does not seem like a “proper” combination at all. Just think of this big biker-looking man in black leather (as I often am) appreciating some kawaii stuff. ^_^
I think that the consideration that hunting the shadow is a long process is a good one. Probably even one of the worst things to do would be to force oneself to go beyond the limits, as it tends to cause back-reactions and collateral damage. In addition, I found the example of the gender identity rather helpful. My moe remark connects with that a bit.